Want relationship advice? Ask your friends and your mum

In new research commissioned by eharmony, the opinions that matter most are revealed. Aussie daters admit that there are far more people  involved in their romantic relationships than themselves and their love interest or partner. With nearly a quarter (23%) saying they’d consider ending a relationship if it didn’t feel validated or approved by friends and family.

Survey participants said that ‘outside noise’ – the influence of family, friends, pop culture and society – can have both a negative and positive impact. Religion and culture were also significant factors impacting relationships.

Furthermore, the research exposes who has the greatest sway on whether daters pursue or ditch romantic relationships.

Mum’s (still) the word

A fifth (21%) of all survey respondents (and 26% of women) turn to their mum for relationship wisdom – the second-highest rating following friends (45%). Dads were lower down the rankings on 10% which was on par with the internet (10%). Siblings (18%) and counsellors/psychologists (17%) came in third and fourth as go-to sources of relationship advice.

More than a quarter (27%) choose not to consult any external support or resource, preferring to work through issues on their own or with their partner.

Influence of beliefs and background

While Australia is a largely secular and multicultural society, one-in-five (21%) of daters said that their strong religious beliefs impact romantic relationships, and almost the same number (22%) said this applied to their cultural beliefs.

On the flipside, 41% of Australians believe cultural differences have less impact than in the past; and 37% said religion was irrelevant to their relationships.

Who has most sway and say

As mentioned, nearly a quarter of survey participants would consider calling time on a romance if not approved by their loved ones; more specifically, 27% of survey participants believe their close friends’ views could upset the romantic apple cart. Families are slightly more influential, with 31% impacted by their opinions.

Rom-coms set unrealistic ideals

Interestingly, 62% of women and 59% of men feel the media (TV, movies and celebrities) create unrealistic expectations of what a relationship should look like. More than half (55%) of women and 42% of men believe relationships are impacted by social media, while smaller numbers (28% and 38% respectively) said the internet was an influential factor.

Taking advice with a grain of salt

The majority (61%) of respondents believe external noise won’t affect healthy relationships, while two-fifths (42%) think you can use constructive opinions about your relationship to make improvements.

More than a third (36%) said they ‘listen [to external opinions] and only act when they feel it is necessary’, while 29% completely ignore outside noise and only act on what they think and feel.

Almost half of men surveyed (44%) said they wouldn’t tell their partner if someone expressed a negative opinion about their relationship.

eharmony relationship psychologist Sharon Draper says: “It’s unsurprising – and healthy – that people reach out for the support and advice of trusted friends, family members and professionals about relationship matters, particularly if you’re seeing signs of concerning attitudes or behaviours.

As the survey results highlight, many people recognise that considering others’ observations and advice – and the lived experience of our parents – can be constructive and beneficial to relationships.

While most of our family and friends genuinely have our happiness at heart, be mindful that sometimes their opinions may be affected by self-interest or even jealousy about how your romantic partnership – and lifestyle – may impact their relationship with you.

What’s important is to weigh up the varying views and make sure any decision is your own.”