135 Questions to get to know someone on a deeper level

Asking questions is a crucial part of building any relationship, making it essential to know which questions to ask when getting to know someone. Asking the right questions not only helps you learn more about the other person, but also sets the tone for the connection you’re building. “True connection comes from conversation,” explains one of the eharmony relationship experts Laurel House. “The more you ask, the more you know, the more you grow — together or apart.”

While deeper, more serious questions are better suited for when you’ve established a stronger connection, light-hearted questions are perfect for breaking the ice in the early stages of any type of relationship. “Asking questions and answering those same questions is one major way to learn about them and teach about you,” expert Laurel House adds, emphasizing the importance of mutual curiosity. “This helps you see if you are a fit for each other for now, enduringly, or never.”

To help guide you through different stages of getting to know someone, we’ve organized our question suggestions into various categories. Whether you’re looking for some fun questions to ask to keep the conversation lively, or deeper questions to ask to strengthen your bond, you’ll find the right ones here. We’ve also summarized the most important tips for asking questions.

Deep questions to ask to get to know someone

When delving deeper into someone’s life and personality, it’s essential to explore a range of question types to gain a comprehensive understanding. To effectively get to know someone on a more profound level, explore the following different types of questions:

• Learn from the Expert: We asked one of our eharmony relationship expert for the best questions to ask someone
• Make them laugh: Ask some funny questions to lighten the mood
• Expectations: Explore what they envision for relationships and life goals
• Core Values: Uncover the principles that guide their decisions and actions
• Thought-provoking: Challenge their perspectives with questions that stimulate deep thinking
• Future & Ambitions: Find out what they envision their life to be like
• Childhood, Family: Learn about their upbringing and family influences
• Hobbies and Interests: Discover their passions and leisure activities
• Travel: Understand their experiences and aspirations related to travel
• Friends and Social Life: Gain insight into their social dynamics and preferences
• Career: Discuss their professional aspirations and work-life balance
• Self-reflection: Engage in conversations about personal growth and self-awareness
• Books, Movies & Games: Share and discuss their tastes in media and entertainment
• Likes, Dislikes, and Pet Peeves: Identify their personal preferences and quirks

For each category, we’ve prepared a set of 10 thoughtfully crafted questions to ask to guide your conversations and ensure a well-rounded exploration of each topic, helping you build deeper and more meaningful connections.

The best questions to ask someone – according to an expert

Knowing which questions to ask can make all the difference. Experts emphasize that thoughtful inquiries about core values, lifestyles, and love languages can help you uncover compatibility early on and set the foundation for a healthy relationship. That’s why relationship expert Laurel House recommends the following questions to ask:

1. “What’s your dating purpose? What are you looking for and why? Do you want to get married? Do you want to have children? It’s essential that you find out if you are on the same dating purpose. Because if you don’t find out this essential information early on, you might connect with them, form an attachment, and then find out that you have different dating purposes and you have to break up. It’s better to reveal the essential must-haves and can’t-stands early on.
2. What does your lifestyle look like? Your average day, week, month? You want to know if your daily lifestyles align and if your lives can fuse together.
3. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? Are you a homebody or adventurer? This reveals if you prefer to be out with others or at home alone. How you choose to experience life is important when you are exploring the possibility of experiencing life together.
4. What is your work/life balance? And how do you like to travel? What your work life, relaxation life, and vacation life look like is another way to communicate what your life looks like and if your lives can align.
5. What makes you feel loved? What is your Love Language – Quality time, Physical Touch, Gifts, Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, or the two additional languages that eharmony has developed: Shared Activities and Feeling Seen. More than what your love language is, how your love language is experienced is important to share. You are essentially giving your potential partner a road map to make you feel the essential 3S’s (Safe, Sexy, and Seen) in order to create the feeling of care and eventually love. People naturally give care and love in the way that they experience care and love. So, if two people have different love languages, they might not feel cared for or loved by the other because the other is giving care and love in the way that they feel cared for and loved and not the way that the other person experiences feeling cared for and loved.”

Couples that laugh, last – it’s scientifically proven¹! Here are ten questions to help tickle your funny bones (and get to know each other better in the process.)

1. Quick, what are  3 random things that first come to your mind?
2. Would you rather have a frog’s head or frog legs?
3. What’s the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?
4. What’s the most embarrassing item of clothing you have ever worn?
5. What’s the weirdest thing you’ve ever Googled?
6. Would you rather be bald or have a mullet?
7. Would you rather be trapped in a room filled with snakes or spiders?
8. Do you have a completely useless talent? What is it?
9. What’s your favorite song to sing in the shower?
10. What’s the oddest dream you’ve ever had?

Good questions to ask to learn more about their expectations

Being clear about your expectations right from the start is the best way to have a functional, healthy relationship. It can also help you sidestep the heartbreak that’s inevitable when you and your partner just aren’t on the same page.

11. What does a balanced relationship look like to you?
12. What are your goals in this relationship?
13. How do you like to receive affection?
14. What would you like to see more of in our relationship?
15. What would you like to see less of in our relationship?
16. Do you prefer staying in or going out?
17. Where do you see this relationship a year from now?
18. What can we do to make this relationship easier for each other?
19. What is your love language?
20. What’s your idea of a perfect date?

Core Values questions to ask to get to know someone    

Your core values in a relationship are the things that are most important to you, the principles that guide your life. Shared values are often the key to what makes a relationship work; while opposites attracting is great in theory, in reality, people are far more likely to find happiness with partners whose values match theirs. Here are some questions to figure out your partner’s core values:

21. What is important to you?
22. What do you spend your free time on?
23. What do you talk about doing but don’t actually do?
24. If you could live anywhere, where would it be?
25. In your opinion, what are the three things a person should be?
26. In your opinion, is lying ever acceptable? In what circumstances?
27. Why do you vote the way you do?
28. How important is religion to you?
29. Find a list of values and pick your top three. How do you define each of those values?
30. If you were in a situation that caused conflict between your most important values, how would you proceed?

Thought-provoking questions to ask people

It’s fun to laugh with your partner, but you’ll want meaningful conversations too. These ten questions will push you both to really think about the answers.

31. What keeps you up at night?
32. If you had one day left to live, what would you do?
33. If you could ask me anything and have me answer truthfully, what would it be?
34. What does love mean to you?
35. If money didn’t matter, what would you do with your time?
36. When you were a kid, what did you think being this age would be like? Is the reality different?
37. If you had unlimited confidence, what daring things would you do?
38. If you were going to transport us into any era (either forward or back), where would we go and why?
39. Who inspires you to be a better person?
40. If you could fix one of the biggest problems in the world, what would that problem be?

Questions to ask to get to know their future, ambitions, hopes and dreams

No matter how great the present is, thinking about the future is important, too. Questions about the future let you find out if you have a common vision of what that future is, and are best asked early.

41. What would you do with your life if you were suddenly awarded a billion dollars?
42. What’s one thing you want to do together that we’ve never done before?
43. Where do you see yourself in five years?
44. Do you think elderly parents should move in with their children once they can no longer live on their own?
45. What are your thoughts on having kids?
46. What does retirement look like to you?
47. What does your dream house look like? 
48. Do you plan on staying in this city forever? If not, where would you like to move?
49. What are your financial goals? What steps are you taking to achieve them?
50. Do you have a bucket list? What are your favorite items on it?

Our families make us, and our childhood experiences can shape who we are as adults. Besides all of that, it’s just fun to hear stories about when they were younger. Here are some questions to ask to get to know about their past:

51. Where did you grow up? Do you still live there?
52. Do you have siblings? Are you close to each other?
53. How often do you talk to your parents?
54. Is there anything about the way you were raised that you would like to replicate with our children?
55. Is there anything about the way you were raised that you do not want to pass on to our children?
56. Do you have a favorite family tradition? What is it?
57. What’s a childhood treat you still enjoy as an adult? Is there one you miss?
58. Were/are you close with your extended family? 
59. What was your favorite activity as a child?
60. What was your favorite subject in school? Your least favorite? Why?

Questions to ask about hobbies and interests

When you think of questions to ask to get to know someone, a person’s hobbies aren’t just how they spend time, they can also be a good indicator of their values and personality. These kinds of questions work well as icebreakers, and are a good option when it comes to thinking of great first date questions. You can also ask follow-up questions if something piques your interest.

61. How do you spend your free time?
62. What’s your favorite thing to do on a rainy day?
63. Do you have a passion project?
64. What’s your favorite thing to do after work?
65. Would you rather a quiet dinner with a few friends or a massive party with lots of people?
66. Do you think hobbies should be monetized? Why or why not?
67. Do you prefer hobbies you can do on your own, or ones you need other people for?
68. What’s the oddest hobby you’ve ever heard of?
69. Is there a hobby you pursued as a child that you’d like to take up again as an adult?
70. Would you be okay with sharing a hobby with your significant other?

Travel is a big part of some people’s lives… and something to be avoided at all costs for others. Even if you both love to see the world, you might have very different travel styles. 

71. Do you like to go full speed ahead or are you a more relaxed kind of traveler?
72. What’s your favorite kind of destination? Cities, mountains, beaches, the countryside? Or a mix?
73. What kinds of things do you think it’s important to spend money on while traveling?
74. What’s something embarrassing that happened while you traveled?
75. Do you prefer to be the one doing the planning, or would you rather someone else do it?
76. What’s your dream destination that you haven’t visited yet?
77. What’s a popular travel destination that you think is really overrated?
78. What’s your packing style? Carry-on only or all the checked bags?
79. What kind of activities do you like to do when you travel?
80. What’s your favorite trip you’ve been on so far?

Good questions to ask to get to know someone about Friends and social life

Friendships are important not only for you but for a healthy relationship as well. You also don’t want to end up with somebody whose social life is incompatible with yours, so it’s especially important to ask these questions before you get too serious.

81. Would you rather have a few close friends, or many acquaintances?
82. What is your favorite way to spend time with your friends?
83. Are you more of an extrovert, an introvert, or an ambivert?
84. What do you value most in a friendship?
85. How often would you ideally go out every week?
86. Have you ever had a friendship breakup? What happened?
87. Do you think people with vastly different viewpoints can be friends?
88. What is your favorite thing about [Friend’s Name]?
89. What would it take for you to end a friendship?
90. What would you do if your friends didn’t like me?

Career questions to ask

Given what a large part of our lives our jobs are (as well as the whole needing money to live thing), it’s important to be aware of your partners’ stance on things like career and work-life balance. We’ve outlined some questions to ask to get to know someone about the ol’ 9 to 5:

91. If you could choose any career right now, what would it be?
92. Would you rather have a fulfilling but low-paid career, or one that paid well but wasn’t your passion?
93. What’s your favorite thing about your job?
94. How many hours do you work? Are you okay with the amount?
95. How would you feel if I made more money than you?
96. Would you be willing to stay home with the kids while I work?
97. If I had to move for work, would you be willing to move with me?
98. What are your long-term career goals?
99. How do you think your work-life balance will change once kids are in the picture?
100. What do you see yourself doing after retirement?

It is incredibly important to know yourself, as self-awareness leads to making better life choices. Introspection isn’t always easy, however. You and your partner can help each other through the process, using these questions as a guide.

101. Am I using my time wisely?
102. Is there anything I’m taking for granted?
103. Are my actions in line with my values?
104. Am I allowing things out of my control to control me?
105. What am I most scared of?
106. When did I last try and step out of my comfort zone?
107. What is worse: failing, or never trying?
108. What am I most grateful for?
109. What would I like to change about myself?
110. If today were my last day, would I be satisfied with my life?

Books, movies, games and other media questions to ask to get to know someone

For most of us, books, movies and other media are how we relax – and how we connect with other people. Some questions to ask that will get the ball rolling are:

111. What is your favorite book? Why?
112. Do you think movie adaptations are ever as good as the original book?
113. What’s a book or movie that everyone loves but you don’t?
114. If you could change the ending to any book, movie or TV show, would you? How would you change it?
115. Have you reread any of your childhood favorites recently? Did you love it as much?
116. Would you rather read a physical book, an ebook, or listen to an audiobook?
117. Would you rather binge a tv show all at once, or watch new episodes once a week?
118. Do you like video games? How do you play – on your phone, a console, or your computer?
119. Would you rather go to the theater or watch a movie at home?
120. Which movie have you seen in the theater that remains unforgettable for you?

Questions to ask about likes, dislikes and pet peeves

Everyone’s got them – likes, dislikes, and those irrational pet peeves that make no sense to anyone else, but are a great conversation topic.

121. What’s something you like that most people don’t?
122. Conversely, what’s something you dislike that most people are a fan of?
123. Do you have any pet peeves? What are they?
124. Do you think it’s important for partners to share the same likes and dislikes?
125. If someone has a habit you dislike, how do you deal with it?
126. How comfortable are you with awkward conversations?
127. Are there any societal norms you think are stupid?
128. What would you like to spend more time doing?
129. What is something you wish fewer people did?
130. What is your ideal day like?

Tips for selecting good questions to start conversations

After you’ve chosen the right questions to ask, it’s important to think about how to ask someone out to make the conversation enjoyable and meaningful. The way you select and ask these questions can significantly impact the experience for both of you, helping to foster a genuine connection and ease any nerves. We summarized some of the most important tips to keep in mind:

• Tip 1: When asking thought-provoking questions, especially in anxiety-inducing situations, it’s crucial to create a comfortable and welcoming environment. Start by choosing a relaxed setting where both you and the other person feel at ease – think of a cozy café, a quiet park, or any place that naturally encourages open conversation. Pay attention to the body language and signs of attraction, both yours and theirs. If you notice signs of discomfort, such as crossed arms or lack of eye contact, be ready to gently steer the conversation in a different direction. “However, it’s also important not to create a narrative that the other person isn’t interested without asking directly. Assumptions like these often stem from our own fears, and they can lead to unnecessary misunderstandings. Instead, approach with curiosity and openness — ask how they feel or what they think, rather than letting anxiety drive your interpretation. This way, you create clarity and connection, rather than feeding into self-doubt or miscommunication.”, relationship expert, Dr. Lalita Suglani adds.
• Tip 2: Pacing is key—don’t bombard the other person with questions. Allow time for them to respond fully and avoid rushing the conversation. This not only shows respect,t but also gives both of you the chance to explore the topic more deeply.
• Tip 3: Active listening is just as important as the questions themselves. Engage with their responses by maintaining eye contact, nodding, and offering thoughtful follow-up questions. This demonstrates genuine interest and helps keep the conversation going naturally, deepening the connection between you.
• Tip 4: Share a bit about yourself, too. Conversations are a two-way street, and offering some insight into your own thoughts and experiences can encourage the other person to open up as well. It helps to build trust and makes the dialogue feel more balanced and reciprocal. Relationship expert Laurel House states: “The key is to lean in. Answer the questions unapologetically, confidently vulnerably, and without fear of judgment. Once you have answered the questions – being the example of your expectation, you ask the same questions of them. Look at conversations as opportunities to explore – yourself and them. These questions can help you to get clear on who you are, what you need, what you dream, and how you connect with others. Don’t afraid to go deep, get raw, and have fun.”
• Tip 5: Lastly, approach the interaction with an open mind and a sense of curiosity. Be flexible and ready to adapt to the flow of the conversation, enjoying the process of getting to know someone on a deeper level. The goal is not just to gather information, but to create a shared experience that both of you can enjoy and remember fondly.

Expert Tip: Ask for the “Where” and “Why”

“Remember to extract ‘where were you, where are you, where are you going?’. By asking and answering questions from these three perspectives, you will allow for deeper understanding of who you both are, how you came to be, and what you are looking for moving forward.

And remember to ask ‘Why?’. It is the ‘why,’ not the ‘what’ that allows for understanding and connection. Because it’s not what we do, but why we do it that is truly illuminating. ‘Why’ is also where feelings lie, and that is where vulnerability lives. And it is in vulnerability that the heart opens. Daters who are communicating with an open heart, are open to feeling for each other.”

Laurel House

eharmony Relationship Expert

Choose your questions based on how well you know the person and the context of your interaction. For new acquaintances or initial conversations, start with light-hearted and ice-breaking questions to create a comfortable atmosphere. As the relationship develops, introduce deeper questions that explore core values, future goals, and personal beliefs. Tailoring your questions to the relationship’s stage helps maintain engagement and fosters meaningful connections without overwhelming the other person.

Start asking the right questions and build deeper connections

Building meaningful relationships hinges on asking the right questions. Think about what you want to know about the other person, how far the relationship has progressed, and what your goals are – they will help you pick the right questions to ask. Key tips for successful conversations involve creating a comfortable setting, pacing your questions, listening actively, sharing about yourself, and maintaining curiosity. This approach ensures engaging and reciprocal dialogue, which fosters stronger, more genuine connections. Whether for new acquaintances or to deepen existing bonds, these questions and strategies can enrich any relationship. With eharmony, you’ll get plenty of opportunities to ask those questions – sign up and start getting to know potential matches.