How to Ask a Girl Out: Tips and Creative Ideas

Summoning up the courage to ask a girl out will always be a scary and nerve-wracking experience. The fear is really about the unknown though, isn’t it? It’s about not knowing what she’ll say, or how she’ll say it, and what it might mean for your future romances, and so on.

We’re not here to claim that asking a crush out is a walk in the park, but it doesn’t have to be as big and intimidating as we make it in our heads. Let’s look at how to ask a girl out with the right approach and techniques, regardless of the situation.

Three steps to consider before even asking

Let’s hold our horses there before you just go leaping into how to ask a girl to hang out. Here’s your initial checklist. 

Evaluate the current situation

Context is important. Are you strangers, acquaintances or friends? You may want to consider getting on familiar terms, even if it’s just with a conversation.

The setting can also impact things. While social events and school provide natural contexts to explore dating, you may want to be judicious when figuring out how to ask a girl out in your workplace. While these relationships are becoming exceedingly common today¹, it still pays to be prudent in this situation.

Before diving into a romantic gesture, it’s essential to first understand how to approach a woman in a way that respects the situation and setting.

Build your confidence

A research piece for Forbes² put a study together on confidence-building strategies that work in all social contexts:

• Faking confidence until you make it is a useful skill.
• Confidence is like a muscle, built by facing the consistent risk of failure.
• Rejection builds up our resistance to its negative feelings. 
• Grow yourself by taking risks.
• If you don’t use confidence, you lose it. 

Honestly, once you get the hang of it, confidence makes things like asking someone on a date way easier—it’s all about learning how to be more confident in yourself.

Pick your moment

Reading the room is important. You need to look for signs she’s open to being approached, such as scanning the room often, or seeming unpreoccupied. Signs, that she’s interested in you would also help, like stealing glances or turning her body language in your direction. 

If you’ve managed to talk to her but now want to know, how long should I wait to ask a girl out? There’s no exact science on that, but in general, timelines have gotten shorter – so try not to wait longer than 3-5 days after meeting them initially.

Whether you’re out and about and randomly see a girl you’d like to get to know, or if its someone you often see in person, here are some basic tips to start:

• Make sure she’s in the right space for a relationship.
• Try to keep it casual. Avoid grand gestures.
• Look out for hidden Nos. It’s not just about how to ask a girl out but also knowing when she’s acting vague out of politeness.
• Try to do it on a high note, or at a moment of fun and enjoyment during your conversation.
• Don’t be vague about how you feel or what the date signifies to you.
• Make it seem like even if the date isn’t a romantic success, you’ll still both have a good time.

Now let’s explore some effective approaches or scenarios to the classic question of how to ask a girl out in the real world. 

Ask her out in a conversation

This is one of the most effective methods. A recent joint study found in-person requests for anything to be 67% more effective than even phone calls³. 

And as we pointed out earlier, pick your moment. You don’t need to have them in laughing stitches, but during a point in the conversation where it feels easy and flowing both ways, just casually bring up:

“I’ve thought of the idea of us for a while. Would you be interested in exploring our dynamic on a date?” 

Use a shared interest as motivation

Establishing a rapport with her, where you get a good understanding of who she is, and her personal interests is a great insight into how to ask a girl out. Make it something innocuous, but still convey your interest. For instance:

“I just saw they’re doing a Basquiat exhibit at this gallery nearby. I know we both love him. Would you like to go with me to see it this weekend?”

Include her in an existing plan

If you want to be less up-front but still let her know you’re interested, you could try a low-pressure approach and invite her for a group event when figuring out how to ask a girl out as casually as possible. This makes it more of a group hang or a getting-to-know-you pre-date. You could say something like:

“Hey me and my friends are checking out this new Italian place in town. I know you’d love it. Wanna tag along and keep me from getting bored?”

Ask a girl out with small gestures

If you get to interact with her regularly, try and do little things that improve her day, or just make her smile. Make a quiet joke when you can see someone annoyed her. Bring her a coffee from that nice cafe two blocks away. Lie to her in a silly way and tell her you accidentally got two chocolate croissants.

Give her more positive associations with you so that when you do ask her out, it seems natural. 

Ask a girl out without asking

While a giant teddy bear holding a heart might be a bit over the top in today’s more easygoing dating scene, you can still do something lowkey that can come across as just a romantic, with the added benefit of being more inventive than those classic gimmicky displays of affections.

For instance, you could try handing over a handwritten note confessing your feelings, presenting a modest bouquet or dedicating a song to them at karaoke night.

Now an article like this wouldn’t be complete without also addressing the far more modern form of courtship, text flirting. While often more convenient, many people can be hesitant about the somewhat depersonalized idea of how to ask a girl out using this particular written format. Here are our basic tips.

• If you are well acquainted enough, consider choosing another method. Text messages tend to feel like low-context situations for romantic propositions, as opposed to conversations in real life.
• Try not to come out and just say it in the first message. Initiate some conversation first.
• Try to mirror her texting style. This makes people more comfortable in text exchanges.
• Look out for clues that she’d be receptive to you asking her out. Like her use of emojis, or if she only replies in short, curt texts.
• But in the end, even while being kind and polite, do be direct and confident when you do ask.

Now let’s look at some real-world examples of how to ask a girl out on a date over text.

The lucky spare ticket

This can be a bit of a financial gambit but try buying a spare ticket to a local music show, cultural event or even just a popular movie you know she’d like. Then pretend one of your friends ditched you at the last minute and send her a casual text telling her that the ticket’s going to waste anyway. It’s slightly dishonest, but she won’t agree unless she has some genuine interest in spending time with you. 

Something exciting to share

If you’re already on somewhat friendly terms, you can use a big life event like getting a new job or something interesting happening to you as a prelude to how to ask a girl out. This tells them you think about them enough that you consider them part of your life. For example:

“Omg, I have such big news to share! You won’t believe it. Let’s get together tomorrow and I’ll tell you about it.” 

Harness the power of delivery apps

If you know they’re having a tough day, working late, or just not feeling 100% that day, use a food app to send something to their work, school or house that’s simple but still gets the message across. Pastries, cupcakes, coffee or whatever their favorite snack might be are all great choices.

Once you’ve gotten delivery confirmation, send her a text saying something like: “Hope this makes your day better. I’d love to make your weekend better too, if you’re free?” 

How to ask a girl out by playing a game for it

There’s something inherently intriguing about being playful when flirting. Try doing something a little more juvenile and in a sense, dare her to go out with you. Challenge her to a game, buy her a scratch ticket or just have some silly bet where the loser has to pay for the winner when they meet up.

As you can tell, you win in both of these eventualities.

Try a flirty text to test the waters and then go for it

Sometimes you just have to shoot your shot when it comes to dating, especially over text.

Try a text that’s more upfront about your feelings while still being flirty and in the realm of normal conversation. This can move the conversation to a different kind of tone and may also be the kind of act of true interest they were waiting for. For instance:

“I keep getting in trouble at work for texting you too much.”

Handling different types of responses

While we’ve given you effective tips and examples for how to introduce the idea of dating, navigate that initial chemistry, build on it, and, eventually be upfront about your feelings, there’s unfortunately no perfect approach to how to ask a girl out that can make mutual feelings spontaneously appear.

The important thing is you tried to make a connection, and you didn’t leave any doubt on the table. But here’s how to handle the various responses you might get.

• No – Let’s start with the most dreaded. At the end of the day, you have to respect a no. Whether it’s because the attraction isn’t mutual, they aren’t ready to date again, or life circumstances prevent it, it’s still a definitive answer and you shouldn’t push it. But be compassionate with yourself too. This isn’t a confirmation of your romantic chances in general, so try to appreciate the people who are in your life and use them as a source of support if you need them. Be sure to always respond to any rejection with kindness and grace – it’s  crude to do otherwise. If she ever does change her mind, or wants to continue the friendship, it won’t be because you behaved rudely or insulted her because she wasn’t interested in your advances.  
• Yes – Fireworks, right? Perhaps, not yet. This is the first yes, in what will hopefully be a running series that may, or may not, come to form the story of how you two got together. So tread carefully but enthusiastically. Focus on making the first date special and ensuring that every moment with you makes them feel comfortable and seen. The rest will happen as part of the ride. 
• Maybe – Treat this as a tentative no until it changes. It may change. It may not. It’s disheartening sometimes but when you’re figuring out how to ask a girl out, they might be figuring out how to decline without hurting your feelings or causing a scene.
• Yes (but she postponed) – This is a tricky one. She may have genuinely had to delay, or is using a tactic to get rid of you. But grace and kindness win the day in this scenario too. Don’t push or probe her reasons for delaying. Simply accept these things happen in life and casually enquire at a later date if she’s available. If she keeps making excuses, you likely already have your answer, even if she won’t give it to you directly.

Whatever answer you get from a woman, remember it doesn’t change who you are, nor is it necessarily the start of some fairy tale (if things go well). Try to stay grounded, enjoy yourself with them and take things day by day.   

Before figuring out how to ask a girl out, find out what works for her

Stop wasting your dating life. Whether it’s someone new online or in real life – or someone you’ve always had your eye on for a while – take the tips we’ve shared with you today on how to ask a girl out to embolden you to take that leap and ask her.

Maybe you won’t be successful every time. The key is to maintain the confidence that the right person is out there, while knowing she won’t materialize out of thin air. Rejection happens to all of us, but it’s just one of the minor hiccups on the way to starting your real journey.