What is Love? Find Out What Love Makes Such a Special Feeling

Have you been totally patient, kind, protective, and trusted someone with your heart?  Have you experienced the feeling of opening up to someone – all those parts of you that are messy, complicated, and of course not social media worthy because you felt the comfort? We have heard of people saying love is beautiful, sweet, pure, unpredictable, and painful all at the same time. So, what is love? The simplest definition of love is the connection and comfort you share with someone.

The different definitions and variations of love

How do you know you’re in love with someone? And if you do know, can that love be measured? You cannot be demanding or selfish in love. It has to be ‘real’ and should allow space and freedom. Love is in the smallest things, yet it is so much more. It comprises a host of feelings, emotions, and attitudes. Let’s look at love in an all-inclusive holistic approach and understand the different perspectives.

What is love, historically?

Love is one of the most ancient human emotions, and people have fallen in love throughout history. The ancient Greeks had eight different types of love – eros (sexual passion), philia (deep friendship), ludus (playful love), agape (love for everyone), pragma (longstanding love), philautia (love of self), storge (family love) and mania (obsessive love). Nearly every society, ancient or modern, has its love stories: from Anthony and Cleopatra in ancient Egypt, to Shah Jahan’s building of the Taj Mahal as a tomb for his beloved Mumtaz, to the legends of Achilles and Patroclus, to Harry and Meghan. Regardless of time, and culture, love is a key component of the human experience.

Religious views on love

Love takes on different variants and to some love is equal to God. To make a relationship thrive, mutual respect, space, great chemistry, quality communication, and also sometimes similar religious or spiritual beliefs become important. Having different faiths does not imply you are going to have problems in a relationship. Sharing similar values, worldviews, and strong faith in God is also essential.

Falling in love is associated with increased energy, narrowing of mental focus, sometimes sweaty palms, light-headedness, racing heart, and a lot of positive feelings” says Dr. Rachel Needle a well-known psychologist¹.

What is romantic love in particular? A beautiful yet complex mystery. In Psychology, love is classified into three components and is called the Triangular Theory. They are intimacy, passion, and commitment. When these needs are met, couples’ bond well.

The biological basis of love

Scientists have long studied romantic love and tried to find a scientific explanation for what defines love. According to research, romantic love is in part chemical: when we’re in love, our brains release more serotonin, dopamine and oxytocin; they are what cause our racing pulses, fluttering hearts, and other physical reactions. They’re also responsible for our improved states of mind, since heightened secretions of dopamine and oxytocin especially are linked to pleasure and sexual attraction².

Some people have asked, “Is love an emotion?” This is a surprisingly complex question to answer, and schools of thought vary – although you and I would definitely consider love an emotion, most psychologists think it’s too broad a concept³. However, love can definitely influence our emotions and always has.

What love is, psychologically

Just like scientists, psychologists have also attempted to study and quantify what love is. The study of love from a psychological perspective has produced two major theories: the triangular theory of love and attachment theory.

Attachment theory says that affection-based bonds are a key component of behavior in mammals. A 2017 study identified four main types of bonds: peer bonds – or bonds between friends; parent-child bonds; pair bonds – or romantic bonds; and conspecific bonds, which are other kinds of bonds between members of the same species.

Introduced in 1986, Sternberg’s triangular theory of love says love has three components – intimacy (emotional), commitment (cognitive), and passion (physical). A romantic relationship requires all three to succeed.

The 10 essential aspects of real love

Love can be overwhelming, inspiring, and supportive. The most intense and healing form is true love. It is unconditional and makes you feel seen and heard the most. Does unconditional love exist? Yes. Here’s a list of signs that will help you recognize ‘real love’.

1. Mutual respect: Respect for each other is the most important aspect to sustain love. It does not fade away during difficult times. It allows enough space for personal growth and you treat each other as equals.
2. Trust: A relationship without trust will be dysfunctional. When you trust someone, you will have the comfort to confide in them. Trust helps in building love.
3. Acceptance: Valuing and tolerating differences is equally important. When you learn to appreciate each other’s qualities and be compassionate before judging your partner’s vulnerabilities, the relationship will be beautiful. In real love, you acknowledge differences instead of trying to change your partner.
4. Selflessness: Love is all about caring about your partner’s needs as much as caring about your own. To receive real love, you must be able to keep aside your selfish desires and learn to appreciate his/her selfless gestures for you.
5. Companionship: Love is about having someone to share our lives and to be on our side through thick and thin. When you genuinely like each other and enjoy spending time together, share common values and views, then the relationship can stand the test of time. You feel safe with each other.
6. Effortless Attraction and Passion: When you are truly in love with someone, you never have to “try” to spice things up. There is no need to convince or coerce anything on each other. You know you’ve created a deep, lasting connection when there is an intense longing to be with another. Lasting love requires time, effort, and commitment but nothing is forced.
7. Good teamwork: If you’re not keeping a score on who’s winning and losing and instead focusing on inspiring each other then, you two make a great team.  When you can identify the shift in moods and energies and respond affectionately, positive feelings grow. A loving partner provides plenty of emotional support and tries to meet all your needs.
8. Compatibility: What is love lastly?  It’s also about compatibility – sharing values, beliefs, and life goals. In a romantic relationship, when two individuals are completely in sync, a long-term relationship is possible.
9. Emotional connection: As the triangular theory of love says, emotions are a key component of love – in fact, they’re how we distinguish simple sexual attraction and lust from a deeper relationship. Plus, the emotional connection you form with your partner is key to not only maintaining, but deepening the relationship after the honeymoon phase has passed.
10. Attachment: Attachment styles influence how you connect with other people and are deeply rooted in the bonds you formed, or didn’t, with your caregivers as a young child. Knowing what your particular attachment style is can be very helpful in navigating romantic and other relationships.

The different types of love in modern dating

We may not be ancient Greeks but there are still a few different kinds of love in modern society. Among others the most common ones might be:

• Friendship: Otherwise known as platonic love, friendships can be just as important and fulfilling as romantic love, but can sometimes be overlooked.
• Familial love: Most people are lucky enough to benefit from a loving family, whether they were born or adopted into one, or if they created a chosen family for themselves.
• Romantic love: When we think of the word ‘love’, this is usually the type we’re referring to, and the one thousands of poets and writers have tried to capture.
• Unconditional love: When you love someone unconditionally, it doesn’t matter what they say or do, your feelings aren’t going to change.
• Unrequited love: When they don’t return your feelings – unfortunately.

What does love feel like?

Regardless of the relationship, there are a few ways to know it’s love.

• When you’re in a relationship: You don’t need a partner to “complete” you, but you feel completely yourself while with them.
• When you’re with your family: You know they have your back no matter what.
• When you’re friends: They’re there for both the adventures and the misadventures.

Regardless of which kind of love we’re talking about, there are a few common ways real love makes you feel. Real love makes you feel supported in your decisions, no matter what they are. It also gives you the confidence to take risks, knowing you have a safe place to land should you fall.

On the other hand, when people really love you, they are honest even if the truth risks damaging your relationship. Real love communicates with you and makes sure everyone is on the same page. Real love wants what is best for you and is willing to set aside their own desires to make you happy, with the understanding that you’ll do the same for them. Real love is a partnership, whether the relationship is friendly, familial, or romantic.

Ways to show your love

While love is a noun, it’s also a verb. Here are a few ways you can show the people in your life you love them:

Practise active listening

If you don’t know what active listening is, now’s a great time to look it up. Active listening involves paying attention – not just to what people say, but being attuned to their feelings. It involves reading the cues they’re giving and moderating your own emotional response. Active listening can help the other person feel supported and listened to, which is a great way to deepen and strengthen your relationship.

Learn their love language

Dr Gary Chapman, author of “The 5 Love Languages”, explains that people have different ways they like to give and receive love; in other words, they have different love languages. The five main love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts and physical touch. Finding out what the other person’s love language is and using that to show your love is a great way to bring you both closer.

Set the electronic device aside

It’s not just teenagers with this problem; these days, all of us are more glued to our phones than is good for us, to the detriment of our relationships. Make it a point to spend some one-to-one time with your loved ones without any screens around. As for what to do, you could play board games, go on a hike, visit a museum or an amusement park, or just talk.

Work on yourself

Focusing on yourself might seem like a strange way to show love for others, but when you are the best person you can be, it helps the people you love too. Whether it’s eating healthier, incorporating exercise and other good habits into your daily routine, or working on your mental health – spending time and effort being a better friend, partner, family member and person is a great way to show you know what love is.

Support them directly and indirectly

When you love someone, you should be their cheerleader – whether that’s directly to them, to your friends and family, or to their friends and family. And while active support is great, don’t forget the smaller, background things you can do to show love, like packing a lunch or dropping a sweet note in their suitcase – or even taking over a chore so they don’t have to. Support doesn’t have to be loud to be meaningful.

Real love: What it’s not

You might be wondering… what’s the difference between love and infatuation? Or love vs lust, for that matter? They have a lot of things in common, but neither lust nor infatuation is the same thing as real love.

What lust means

Let’s start with lust. Lust is a feeling of strong sexual desire for someone. It can be a driving force initially when it comes to being attracted to someone, and it helps keep long-term relationships alive and sexually satisfying, but it’s not the same thing as real love. Lust is, at its core, based on physical attraction – it’s perfectly normal to have pants feelings for someone you wouldn’t date in a million years, let alone settle down with. Real love, on the other hand, has a strong emotional component and is based on compatibility not just inside the bedroom but outside it as well.

What Infatuation means

Infatuation refers to an intense and often short-lived emotional attraction or obsession with someone, characterized by strong feelings of admiration, desire, and idealization. Neurological responses in our brain can contribute to those intense feelings of euphoria and longing that often occur during infatuation⁴.

It can lead individuals to believe they are deeply in love, but it is often based on superficial qualities and can lack the depth and stability of true love. When you’re infatuated with someone, you think about them 24/7, your palms sweat, your heart races, and your stress levels rise. Infatuation is short-term and unsustainable, and based on your idea of someone; real love, on the other hand, is a lasting kind of love, based on knowing the whole person, flaws and all, and not easily set aside.

While both lust and infatuation are important parts of the initial stages of a relationship, and aspects of real love, they’re not a replacement for real love itself.

Love is never rushing into relationships – try eharmony for real love

Love brings with it a host of positive vibes – it can make you happy, grateful, hopeful, inspired and it can even change your life for the better. But quite often, people find themselves in a situation where they’ve fallen in love with the wrong person. Rushing into relationships is always a mistake.

eharmony paves the way for real love. We have a holistic approach to online dating:

• A Compatibility Quiz that let you find out more about yourself and what you want in a relationship
• A Compatibility Matching System that is the core of our product and lists new compatible Matches for you
• A variation of useful communication features

We have developed time-tested matching tools based on the psychological principles of attraction. With engaging profiles, you feel like you know the person before you even start talking. Our smart scientific algorithms are known to forge meaningful connections, and our success stories are a testament to the fact that real love exists.

Finally, what is love? Real love will always encourage you to be positive and grow

It is not a discovery of fate, it is something you put effort into and cultivate. In love, you accept someone wholly, the good and the bad. This feeling encourages you to grow as an individual. When you meet someone and form a good connection, it gives a great feeling. A compatible relationship unfolds uniquely. Find someone who is compatible and who truly deserves you. Take that first step to finding true happiness and love today and register for eharmony.