Insecure men: How to spot them and navigate a relationship
Insecurity can affect anyone, but for men, it often goes unnoticed or unspoken. Society tells men to be strong, confident, and in control, leaving little room for vulnerability. Yet, many insecure men struggle with self-doubt rooted in childhood experiences, societal pressures, or past relationships. If you’ve ever found yourself dating an insecure man or dealing with an insecure boyfriend, recognizing the signs of insecure men is crucial as it can impact not only him, but also you and your relationship.
In this article, we’ll explore the symptoms of an insecure man, how insecurity manifests in relationships, and what you can do when dating an insecure man. Because in the end, understanding insecurity is the first step toward building healthier connections.
Table of Contents
Why are men insecure? – Three potential reasons
Generally, insecurity doesn’t happen in a vacuum – there are several root causes for why a man might feel insecure. Here are three common reasons for insecurity:
Societal pressure
Society imposes rigid expectations on men—be fit, successful, wealthy, confident, and effortlessly charming. The reality? Very few men can live up to these impossible standards. No wonder a survey conducted by Relate and eharmony found that nearly 60% of men have experienced insecurity in romantic relationships.1 Insecure men often struggle to express their emotions, fearing they’ll be perceived as weak. This emotional suppression makes it difficult for them to seek help, even when they need it most. Over time, these unaddressed insecurities can intensify, leading to low self-esteem, relationship struggles, and an increased need for validation.
Childhood experiences
According to attachment theory, our earliest experiences have a major effect on our ability to form and maintain relationships as adults, and this applies to insecure men, too. When children grow up in an environment without consistency, safety, or reliability, the chances are that they’ll develop an insecure attachment style. Different kinds of insecure attachment present differently, but any of the three can have an effect on people’s ability to form relationships. Given that researchers estimate about 40% of people have an insecure attachment style2, this explains why there might be quite a few insecure guys.
Baggage from previous relationships
Even the most amicable breakup can leave you wondering what went wrong and why you weren’t good enough – never mind if you were cheated on or dumped. Add to that that men don’t feel like they can ask for help, as we mentioned previously, and you have the perfect combination of reasons for a man to become insecure, even if he wasn’t before. That’s not even taking into account the damage from toxic or abusive relationships, which more men than we realize are unfortunately victims of.
As you can see, there are many reasons why men may feel insecure, all of which are exacerbated by toxic masculinity. Luckily, as more and more people recognize it for what it is, it’s becoming easier for men to get the help they need to deal with their insecurities in a safe and healthy way.
10 symptoms of an insecure man to look out for
Many insecure men struggle with their feelings of inadequacy, often without even realizing it. If you’re dating an insecure man, his insecurities might not be obvious at first, especially during the early stages of getting to know each other. However, recognizing the signs of insecure men early on can help you avoid falling into a toxic relationship. Let’s look at the most common insecurity signs in men and how they might manifest in a relationship:
He lies or exaggerates the truth
One of the clear symptoms of an insecure man is a tendency to lie or stretch the truth. Whether it’s to make himself seem more successful, talented, or special than he is, or simply out of fear of rejection, these lies often stem from discomfort with who he truly is. Some insecure guys brag excessively about their looks or abilities, constantly comparing themselves to others. This behavior reveals a deep-seated insecurity that drives them to fabricate or exaggerate.
He overcompensates with masculinity or gets defensive
Confident men don’t feel the need to prove themselves, but a sign of an insecure man is a fragile ego. He might overcompensate by trying to appear overly masculine or “macho” and could get defensive or argumentative when this image is challenged. If your boyfriend is too quick to feel offended, then it’s a sign of insecurity.
He constantly fishes for compliments
Another clear sign of an insecure guy is his need for constant validation. He’ll likely ask questions about himself to seek your approval and praise. Whether it’s his appearance, personality, or your feelings for him, his low self-esteem drives him to look for reassurance. This need for validation can feel overwhelming at times, but it’s a reflection of his inner struggles.
He tries to flatter you excessively
Flattery might seem sweet at first, but when it becomes overbearing, it can be a sign of insecurity. He may treat you like a princess, buy you expensive gifts, or repeatedly call himself lucky to have you because he feels you’re “out of his league.” While these gestures might seem romantic, they often stem from his fear of losing you. Over time, this can escalate into possessiveness or an unhealthy rush to deepen the relationship.
He becomes jealous easily
At first, his protectiveness might seem endearing, but if it turns into constant jealousy, it’s a red flag. A common sign of an insecure man is his discomfort with you having a life outside the relationship. He might text or call excessively to check on you and get annoyed if you spend time with friends. If he feels threatened by your success or independence, it’s a clear indication of his insecurity.
He criticizes you frequently
One of the more toxic traits of insecure men is their tendency to be overly critical of their partners. While they may struggle to accept even constructive feedback, they’re quick to find fault in others, including you. This deflection allows them to avoid addressing their own shortcomings. If your insecure boyfriend frequently shifts the blame onto you during disagreements, it’s likely a defense mechanism rooted in his insecurities.
He tries to control you
Does he constantly ask where you are, who you’re with, or demand access to your phone? Does he seem threatened by your male friends or colleagues? These controlling behaviors are strong signs he’s insecure and struggling with trust issues. An insecure partner may even accuse you of disloyalty or flirtation without reason, leading to a toxic dynamic if left unchecked.
He plays the victim
Some insecure guys use the “victim card” to gain sympathy and support. He might talk about being wronged in past relationships, presenting himself as the unfortunate victim while glossing over his own mistakes. This tactic often hides his fear of vulnerability and accountability.
He plays mind games
Manipulative behaviors are another telltale sign of insecure men. If he twists your words, blames you for his insecurities, or threatens to break up to test your devotion, he’s likely seeking reassurance in unhealthy ways. These games are a clear reflection of his need for love and validation but can erode trust over time.
He always agrees with you
While harmony in a relationship is great, always agreeing with you—even when he has a different opinion—can signal deeper confidence issues. An insecure boyfriend might fear conflict or rejection, so he avoids expressing his own thoughts. This behavior, while harmless on the surface, can make the relationship feel one-sided and dull.
How to deal with insecure men
Understanding the symptoms of an insecure man is just the first step. Once you’ve identified them, you then need to work out how to navigate a relationship with someone struggling insecurities. The good news is that it’s entirely possible to have a fulfilling relationship with insecure men, but it requires patience, effort, and a clear understanding of how to handle them. In the following tips, we’ll walk you through practical strategies to help you support an insecure man, while maintaining your own emotional well-being.
How to support an insecure man
There are three keys to successfully dating an insecure man:
- Communication: Clear communication is the key to the success of any relationship, and especially so with an insecure partner. Insecurity thrives on a lack of clarity about other people’s opinions or intentions, so being clear with your partner that you do trust and value them can be helpful in combating their feelings of insecurity. Learning your love languages can also help in this regard; knowing how your partner likes to be loved will make it easier to show them that you do.
- Encouragement: One of the reasons for insecurity, in men especially, is a lack of support when they do something different to what the patriarchy tells them they should do. A great way to be there for your partner is to be encouraging, especially about things he might be unsure or sensitive about. Point out that you care about him just the way he is, that it’s okay to not conform to society’s rules about what ‘should’ be. Your support doesn’t just have to be verbal – it can be a hug when he needs one, buying him his favorite treat, or syncing up your schedules where possible to allow for more time together, and so you can support one another.
- Setting boundaries: While supporting and validating your insecure partner is incredibly important, there’s no denying that it can take an emotional and sometimes even physical toll on you. When dating insecure men, it’s really important not just to have good boundaries right from the start, but to keep enforcing them, kindly yet firmly. While their emotional turmoil is valid, it doesn’t give them the right to manipulate you, or take advantage of you. You need to be able, and willing, to step back and let them solve their own problems after a point, rather than always depending on you to do so.
When and how to walk away from insecure men
While it’s possible for insecure men to grow and move beyond insecure behavior, not all of them are willing or able to do so. Here are some signs it might be time to walk away from an insecure partner:
- Repeating toxic behavior: Some insecure men engage in harmful behaviors because they don’t know better, but once they become aware of their actions, they can choose to change. Unfortunately, others may never break the cycle of manipulation, dishonesty, or passive-aggressiveness. If you see these toxic patterns consistently repeating without any effort to change, it might be time to reassess the relationship.
- Unbalanced relationship: Relationships require mutual give-and-take. However, if you find that you’re continually giving more than you’re receiving, it could be a sign that the relationship has become unhealthy. While it’s important to support your insecure partner, you should also be receiving the same level of care, consideration, and emotional support in return.
If you choose to leave, it’s important to be careful while doing so, especially if its become a toxic relationship. Lean on your friends and family, and use our tips on how to break up with someone to make sure you’ve got all your bases covered.
Building a healthy relationship with an insecure man is possible
Understanding insecure guys is the first step in building a healthier relationship. While many insecure men can grow and change with self-awareness and support, others may struggle to break free from their insecurities. If your insecure partner is willing to work on himself, your relationship has potential. However, if he shows toxic behaviors that don’t improve, prioritizing your emotional well-being is essential. In the end, true confidence comes from within—and every person deserves a good relationship built on trust, respect, and emotional security.
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