Do Long Distance Relationships Work? All you need to know 

You meet someone, you get along great… and then they get transferred to a different city for work. Or the two of you meet online but one of you is in London and the other is in San Diego. You could find someone else… or you could give a long distance relationship a try. However, you might be wondering… do long distance relationships work? That’s a fair question and the answer isn’t as simple as you might think. In this article, we’ll look at some long-distance relationship statistics, the pros and cons of an LDR, and whether you should give one a try.  

How long do long-distance relationships last?

A study¹ found that LDRs last an average of 4.5 months, and about half end in breakups. There are a couple of major factors involved in the increased failure rate of long-distance relationships – an increased fear of infidelity (which is not entirely unjustified – a study revealed that 21% of long-distance couples had issues with cheating vs only 13% of their geographically closer counterparts² as well as an unwillingness to change and adapt on the part of one or both members of the couple.  

While long-distance relationships hold challenges geographically close ones do not, research does not show a significant difference in relationship outcomes. A study in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy revealed that individual and relationship characteristics played a larger role than geography in the final outcome of a relationship³. 

It’s important to remember that long-distance relationships are just that – relationships. ‘Do long distance relationships work for me?’ is a better question to ask than wondering if LDRs in general work. 

Does long-distance love work?

You might think long-distance relationships are destined to fail, but research tells a different story. Around 58% of LDRs succeed, showing that distance doesn’t have to be a dealbreaker.⁴ Surprisingly, several studies comparing long-distance and traditional premarital relationships found no significant difference in breakup rates. In any given six-month period, approximately 40% of couples in both groups call it quits, suggesting that being far apart isn’t inherently more challenging than other relationship dynamics.⁵

In fact, distance can even bring couples closer. Over half of LDR participants report feeling a stronger connection with their partner after time apart. This sense of closeness often stems from dedicated communication. On average, LDR couples exchange 343 texts weekly and spend about eight hours a week on phone or video calls.⁶

These findings highlight an important truth: relationship success depends more on personal dynamics—like trust and communication—than on physical proximity. Long-distance couples aren’t at a disadvantage; they’re just building love in their own unique way.

It can’t be denied there are problems in long distance relationships, and not always because someone cheated. As to the question of ‘why don’t long distance relationships work?’ there are many factors. Here’s a deeper look at some common problems and what they could mean for you.

The lack of physical intimacy 

Most human beings crave physical touch, especially from a romantic partner. Text messages, calls, and video chatare all great, but they can’t make up for a hug any more than a sex toy can replace an actual human being. Additionally, studies have shown that non-sexual physical intimacy – spending time together, holding hands, doing things for each other – is just as important to a healthy relationship as what goes on in bed⁷⁸⁹. While some people are able to manage with the amount of physical contact they get on visits, it’s just not enough for others.  

The expense 

Let’s face it, plane tickets are expensive, as is taking time off work. While it can’t be argued that keeping in touch has gotten dramatically cheaper over the years thanks to services like Skype or FaceTime – does anyone remember how much a long-distance call on an actual telephone used to cost? – long-distance relationships are still often costlier to maintain than their geographically closer counterparts, especially if couples want to spend time together frequently, or visit each other for the holidays. Plus, a long-distance relationship often comes with hidden, non-monetary costs, such as the time spent planning visits and finding affordable tickets.  

The jealousy and the insecurity 

Everyone gets a little jealous sometimes, even couples who’ve been married for years or who live in each other’s pockets. When you’re in a long-distance relationship, though, it can be really hard to silence the little green monster, especially if you’re both active on social media. Completely innocent posts and pictures can take on a more sinister turn simply because your brain won’t stop making you wonder what if.  

The more-than-just-physical distance 

Ever heard of the phrase ‘out of sight, out of mind’? When you’re in a long-distance relationship, it can be all too easy to forget your partner even exists, and not because you want an excuse to go home with that cutie at the bar. When you don’t see your partner every day or even every week, all the other parts of your life – work, friends, family – wind up taking the space they usually fill, meaning that it’s entirely possible to wake up one morning and realize you haven’t responded to a text in days.  

The communication gap 

You prefer calling, he’d rather text. He wants to get on video chat, you dread the idea of more screen time. One of the major issues in a long-distance relationship is a disconnect when it comes to communication styles. It’s hard to have open and honest communication when how you communicate doesn’t work for you. If you and a partner aren’t on the same page when it comes to how you like to talk to each other, it’s important to come to a compromise of some sort – perhaps you text only at certain times, or perhaps you video chat each other while doing the chores. When you don’t see each other every day, having a stable line of communication is key to the answer to ‘do long distance relationships work?’ being yes. 

Benefits of a long-distance relationship: Why you should give it a try 

For anyone with a sweetie in another state, all hope is not lost, however! Remember that while long-distance relationship problems exist, a good portion of relationships survive the distance, and that a non-zero number end in marriage. While there are definitely things to worry about when your partner is far away, it’s important to remember that there are benefits of a long-distance relationship, too:  

They force you to learn to be patient and trusting 

You’re never going to know the precise details of your long-distance partner’s life, and that’s okay. In fact, if you want your relationship to succeed, you pretty much have to trust that they’re as committed as you are. Letting go of jealousy and working not to be insecure not only makes your relationship better, it can improve your mental health as well. Plus, the patience involved in successfully navigating a long-distance relationship often spills over to other aspects of your life, meaning that an LDR might just make you a better person in general. Win-win.  

They can foster deeper connections

As we asked relationship expert Laurel House, she notes: “Long distance dating (LDD) can be the best way to start a relationship thanks to the conversations required to maintain the connection from afar. Getting to know each other on the phone and through video calls can allow for deep connection. You can talk for hours and tell personal stories without distractions. You allow yourself to be vulnerable, expose your secrets, and share the histories that made you, you. It can be harder for couples who reside in the same city to dedicate the same time for those valuable dedicated hours.”

They give you space for the rest of your life 

Is there anyone who isn’t busy these days? Between work, friends, and family, it’s a wonder anyone has time for a relationship. Having your partner be in a different city, state, or even country means that you’re not arranging your life around them most of the time, meaning you have bandwidth to spare for the rest of it. Plus, long-distance relationships are great for people who don’t feel the need to be surgically attached to their partners at all times; finding me time is easy when your partner’s several hundred miles away.   

They let you appreciate your time together 

A long-distance relationship means your partner isn’t around much… which makes it easier to appreciate them when they are around. We all fall into the trap of taking our partners for granted, or of letting the small annoyances of living together get to us. (Familiarity does breed contempt, after all.) A long-distance relationship, however, means enough time spent apart that all their little quirks remain charming little quirks rather than reasons to chuck something at them. Or file for divorce.  

They’re an excuse to travel 

Having a partner in another city is the perfect excuse to visit. Not only do you get to spend time with them, you get to see a new place and encounter things you may not be at home. (In fact, if you haven’t suggested playing tourist in your respective hometowns to your partner, you absolutely should.) LDRs also mean you have an excuse to visit new cities together, especially if both of you are spread very far apart. Exploring different cities or countries together is a great way to get to know each other better while spending quality time together. 

They encourage you to look at your relationship with clear eyes 

A long-distance relationship isn’t easy. It requires planning, commitment and sacrifice, and a willingness to compromise. As you navigate a long-distance relationship, you’ll often find yourself wondering if it’s worth it. This kind of introspection, while not always easy, can offer you valuable insights not only into your current relationship, but also, your personality and what you want out of life.

Key strategies to make your long-distance relationship work

Now that we talked about the pros and cons, you know a LDR can be tough. But don’t worry, there are some key things you can do to make it work. Here are a few strategies that can really help:

• Communicate often (and honestly): You don’t have to talk 24/7 but keep the lines open. Whether it’s a quick text, a voice message, or a video call, just checking in and being open about how you’re feeling can make a huge difference.
• Build trust: Trust is everything in an LDR. Be open with each other, share your thoughts, and make sure you’re both on the same page. It might sound simple, but it’s the foundation of everything.
• Set clear goals and expectations: Talk about where you see things going. Do you have a plan to close the distance? When’s the next visit? Knowing that you’re both working towards the same goal can help you feel secure and focused.
• Keep things fun: Just because you’re apart doesn’t mean the romance has to die. Plan virtual date nights, surprise each other with little gifts, or even just share funny videos. Small gestures go a long way!
• Focus on yourself too: It’s easy to get wrapped up in the relationship, but make sure you’re also nurturing your own life. Keep up with your hobbies, meet friends, and focus on your goals. This will help you stay balanced and make the time apart more manageable.

Love is love no matter the distance 

Just like any other relationship, long distance relationships have their pros and cons. They require a great deal of trust and patience, as well as the ability to wait for good things, but the rewards can often be worth the sacrifices. Can long distance relationships work? Absolutely – they’re no different than their geographically closer counterparts. Communication – with your partner and the other people in your life – is key. Regardless of what kind of relationship you’re after, though, eharmony is a great way to start looking. Sign up and find eligible singles from near and far today.