Does He Love Me? Eight Ways To Know If The Affection Is Real

We’ve all felt it at one time or another – the sweaty palms, the racing hearts, the butterflies. Sometimes they happen on the first date, sometimes it takes a little while for the connection to build. At some point in the relationship, though, it’s not hard to wonder, ‘does he love me?’ How to know if a guy loves you can be a little challenging. In this article, we’ll look at what real love is as well as eight different signs that he really loves you. 

How men show real love

Before we get into the question of, ‘Does he really love me or is he playing me?’ let’s take a look at what real love is. While real love is difficult to define, the Oxford English Dictionary opinion that it is “an intense feeling of deep affection” is a pretty good start. (Fun fact: according to one study, men need about six months to decide that they’re in love¹ So, if you haven’t been dating that long yet, there’s still time!)

Part of the reason why you might be wondering, ‘Does he love me?’ is that different people have different ways of expressing their emotions. According to relationship expert Gary Chapman, there are five love languages:

• words of affirmation (compliments, praise, saying ‘I love you),
• physical touch (hugging, kissing, and other forms of contact),
• quality time (dates or simply doing things together),
• receiving gifts (like flowers, a favorite treat, or even something handmade),
• acts of service (helpful actions like running errands or taking care of them).

What real love is	What real love isn’t
A connection that’s emotional as well as sexual	Merely sexual attraction
Trusting your partner	Being jealous
Making your partner the priority	Always putting yourself first
Letting go	Being possessive
Accepting your partner for themselves	Expecting them to change for you

8 signs you know he loves you

How do I know if he loves me? Well, it depends on the guy – they’re all different! We asked one of our eharmony relationship experts about her advice.

But there can be even more hints. Here are eight common signs a guy loves you:

It’s in his body language

How do you know a guy is really into you? When a guy really loves you, he won’t be able to keep from smiling or making eye contact. He’ll also up the number of ‘casual’ touches – brushing your arm as he goes by, putting his hand on the small of your back to guide you, or even subconsciously being aware of where you are in a room. He’ll also lean in close, and his body language will be open and relaxed. He’ll also mirror you – subconsciously match his physical movements to yours – as a way of showing his affection. 

Expert Tip

Pay attention to his body language, such as leaning in when talking to you or maintaining eye contact. Additionally, he may compliment you or find reasons to initiate physical contact, indicating a desire for closeness. These signs suggest he values your presence and enjoys your company.

Dr Lalitaa Suglani

eharmony Relationship Expert

He lets himself be vulnerable with you

If a man trusts you enough to be vulnerable with you, that’s your answer to ‘Does he love me?’ right there. When a man really loves you, he’ll open up to you. He’ll tell you stories nobody else knows, like what exactly happened that time in high school with his best friend, or why he hates the Beatles. He’ll confide in you about his concerns with his sister’s new boyfriend or his mom’s health. He’ll even ask you for support, whether that’s dealing with a hard time at work or getting rid of the creepy-crawly in the bathroom.

He tells his friends and family all about you

One of the major psychological signs a guy is in love with you? He can’t stop talking about you. You’re in his social media posts, his mom knows your favorite dish when he brings you over for dinner, and his friends tease him about not being able to shut up about you. He defends you fiercely regardless of whether you’re there to hear it and doesn’t let anyone run you down. Even if you can’t be together openly, he does his best to let you know that he’s delighted to be with you. 

He actually listens to you

Who hasn’t dealt with a well-intentioned problem-solver? It’s an unfortunate habit among many men that they don’t realize you’re venting, not asking them to don a shiny suit of armor and hare off to defend you. If, on the other hand, he understands that you need him to listen while you vent rather than trying to jump in and solve the problem for you, he’s a keeper. He listens patiently to you, waiting until you reach a natural stopping point to ask follow-up questions, rather than interrupt you or try to talk over you. He’s present in the moment and gives you all of his attention, showing you that he takes your problems seriously and wants to support you. 

He trusts you

A little jealousy can be good for a relationship, but a man who really loves you understands that the foundation of a successful partnership is trust. If you’re wondering ‘Does he love me?’ ask yourself if he trusts you. A man who really loves you trusts you when you say the friend you’re meeting really is a friend and he’s fine with you having a life outside his relationship with you – in fact, he encourages it, since he’s secure in your relationship and your feelings for him. He also listens to you and values your advice, another important sign he loves you since men rarely ask for the opinions of people who aren’t important to them.

He makes you a priority

If you’re wondering, ‘does he love me as much as I love him?’ look at how he treats you. When a man really loves you, he will treat you like one of the most important, if not the most important, thing in his life, even going so far as to disregard his own wants and needs sometimes. He will do his best to make time for you regardless of how busy he is, he will try and cheer you up on bad days, he will keep his word about promises he’s made to you – and apologize sincerely and make it up to you if something happens that causes him to break one. In his mind, it’s just what a man does for someone he loves.

You’re a part of his future

Other signs you know the answer to ‘Does he love me?’ is yes? When he talks about the future, it’s ‘we’, not ‘I.’ He asks for your input on future decisions, whether it’s small things like where you think you should go for dinner or big ones like what kind of car he should buy. He assumes that the two of you will be together next month, next year, and even farther out than that, and makes his plans accordingly, taking into account your needs and comfort. He might even casually drop a ‘when we’re married’ because he’s so sure your relationship is headed in that direction.

He lets you be yourself

How do you know if a guy is really into you? As Shakespeare said, “love is not love which alters when it alteration finds”. If a man really loves you, he will find delight in you being you – whether that’s a quiet introverted geek, a loud bossy go-getter, or anything in between. He will encourage you to have your own life and pursuits instead of having your lives be all about him. He’ll be your biggest cheerleader and bask in your successes. He’ll be fine with you having your own opinions and agreeing to disagree rather than trying to change them. Simply put, he’ll love you for who you are, warts and all.

When it comes to love, actions are great but words are better

Honestly, the best way to figure out a question like ‘How do I tell if he loves me’ is to simply ask rather than keep wondering ‘Does he love me?’ If he does… fantastic! If he doesn’t… well, that’s what eharmony is for. At eharmony, you’ll find plenty of eligible singles looking for the same thing you are – real love with someone compatible. Sign up for eharmony and take your first step on the road to a serious relationship today.