What do men want in a woman: one question, many answers

‘What do men want in a woman?’ It’s a question that’s been the subject of numerous articles, books, talk shows… you name it. And for good reason – one of the keys to a successful relationship is being aware of what your partner wants and working to make sure they get it. That said, there’s no one singular answer to ‘what do men really want in a woman?’ since everyone has their preferences.

These preferences often stem from common themes like respect, compatibility, and emotional connection, so that’s what this article will focus on. Whether you’re looking to better understand men or strengthen your current relationship, this article dives into the key traits most men value in a woman, and why.

Ten things most men want from a woman in a relationship

While every man has his preferences, here are ten things that most men likely want from a woman:

Having a good personality

According to a study, men valued personality over academic achievement or athletic prowess in the women they would like to have as long-term partners.¹ Which only makes sense, as if you’re going to be spending time, or even the rest of your life, with someone, you should get along well with her. 

Having a sense of humor

We think it’s safe to say that although men do have their preferences, this is a pretty universal answer to the question  ‘what do men want in a woman?’ A study from scientist Sara Algoe at UNC Chapel Hill showed that a shared sense of humor was key to relationship satisfaction.² Additionally, what man doesn’t love a woman who laughs at his jokes?

Being kind

In fairness, we don’t think this one is relegated to just men – kindness is a pretty universal thing to want in a partner. Someone who spends time and effort spreading joy and practicing compassion is a great choice of partner.

Being authentic

One of the most attractive things a woman can be to a man? Herself. When you’re confident enough to be you, it shows – and it’s definitely what men really want in a woman.

Being affectionate

Everyone loves to be loved, which is why it’s so important not just to care, but to show you do. Displays of affection don’t have to be grand – hugs, little notes, compliments, remembering their partner’s preferences are just a few things men want from their women.

Being loyal

If there was a single answer to ‘what do men want in a woman?’ the answer would probably be loyalty. A man wants to know that the woman he’s with is in his corner and on his side, no matter what.

Being calm

Drama may be fun to watch on the screen, but most men don’t want it in their relationships. A woman who can handle whatever life throws at her with equanimity is definitely high up on the list of things men want, especially as they get older. 

Being empathetic

We can safely say that everyone wishes for understanding, which is why empathy is so high on the list of ‘what do men want in a woman?’ A partner who listens and validates your feelings is a wonderful thing. 

Being a cheerleader

What do men want from a woman in a relationship? Someone who has their back. Whether it’s hyping them up for a challenge at work or reassuring them about something personal that’s causing them stress, having someone in their corner is a fundamental benefit of a relationship for most men.

Being self-aware

Someone who knows who she is, flaws and all, is incredibly attractive to most men. Not only does she know her worth, she knows what she can improve and work on. Plus, self-aware people are usually good at communication, which is the key to any successful relationship.

What men want in a woman isn’t always the same

Whenever the question of ‘what do men want in a woman’ comes up, it’s important to acknowledge that there is no universal list. Men are individuals, shaped by their backgrounds, their family and friends, and their lived experiences; a farmer from a rural area would obviously have a very different set of answers to ‘What do men really want in a woman?’ than a high-powered ad exec from the big city.

Plus, what men want in a woman may well change as they go through different stages of life – a young single childless man in his twenties might not necessarily be looking for the same thing as a man in his fifties who is divorced, or widowed, and has children.

What do men want in their 30s?

A man in his 30s has hopefully moved on from the drama-filled partying days of his 20s and is looking to settle down. Which means that what he wants in a woman changes, too, from excitement to sanity and stability.

What do men in their 40s want in a woman?

Many men in their 40s value companionship more than anything. Especially if they’ve spent the past couple of decades focused on building their careers, they may not have had the time or energy for a relationship. They’re looking for someone they’re compatible with who is comfortable to be around.

What do men in their 50s want in a woman?

If you’re the kind who loves a good old-fashioned romance, you’re in luck – many men in their 50s appreciate a woman who lets them be romantic with their partners. While sex is still important, they want the whole package.

Tips for understanding what a man wants in a woman

It’s often said that clear communication is the bedrock of a successful relationship; however, good communication owes a lot to being able, and willing, to understand where your partner is coming from. Doing so can sometimes be challenging, but it is essential to building a healthy, long-lasting relationship. A few tips for how to improve your understanding of what men, or at least your partner, wants:

1. Practice active listening. This means listening to what they’re saying, reflecting on it, and repeating it back to them. This will show your partner you’re paying attention and you care about what he wants.
2. Understand that men are generally socialized differently from women. This means that they approach the world very differently than you do. This isn’t necessarily a bad thing, just something to take into account.
3. Keep talking about both of your needs. Unfortunately, many men grow up in environments where displays of emotion are considered ‘unmanly’. Because of this, your partner may have difficulty expressing his emotions directly, so be patient with him and keep talking about what he wants from you, and vice versa.
4. Learn about love languages. Having difficulty expressing your love for each other? Different love languages might be to blame. His love language might be quality time, while yours might be words of affection. Learning about each other’s love languages is a good way to find out what your partner needs and wants from a woman to feel appreciated.
5. Pay attention to non-verbal cues. For many guys, what he doesn’t say can tell you a whole lot. Taking the time to observe him and decode the messages his body is sending you can be very helpful when it comes to finding the answer to ‘what do quality men want in a woman?’
6. Work on understanding yourself. Knowing yourself well can make understanding your partner much easier. When you know your strengths and weaknesses, and understand what your needs and expectations are, making good choices in your relationship becomes a lot easier.
7. Just ask. Finally, remember that your man is an individual, and the best answer for ‘what do men want in a woman’ is to ask yours what he wants from you.

While it’s important to be attentive to your partner, you should also take care not to set yourself on fire to keep him warm. Finding a balance between his needs and yours is essential to having a relationship that’s based on respect as well as affection.

Find a man who wants you with eharmony

While ‘what do men want in a woman’ is a question that will probably always be asked. In some respects, the things men want from women are the same anyone would want from a partner – trust, respect and love. That being said, different men want different things, depending on their own personalities and what stage of life they’re in.

Regardless of what men want in a woman, eharmony is a great place to look for a partner – our unique Compatibility Matching System means you’re paired with people you’re a good match for right from the start. So sign up and start looking for real love today.