How to Attract the Men That are Right for You

It’s always such a different experience when you catch the attention of a guy you like. The sense of something new and exciting glimmering over that often exhausting dating horizon. We all know that how to attract men can be a mixture of science and art – even if its mechanics can sometimes feel like something so infinitely more mysterious like ancient alchemy.

But it can be strangely simple sometimes. Let’s attempt to decode the often over-complicated notions of the human heart, where to meet men and give you some practical tips to follow when you’re just trying to find out, how do I get a guy’s attention?

Understanding attraction when learning how to attract men

While attraction can often seem like this strange intangible concept that feels so specific to each person, we have managed to boil attraction down to five basic factors of interpersonal attraction that can be relied upon to some degree. These are:

• Proximity
• Similarity
• Physical attractiveness
• Reciprocity
• Responsiveness

Now, that list may seem a bit dry and mercenary when looking at how to attract men, but it’s really just how the basic mechanics play out on a neural level. The truth is everyone’s love story is unique. No one’s notion of what’s attractive is fixed. It’s all a bunch of perceptual and psychological factors that eventually result in a real-world love story. These always are a balance of physical and inner qualities, creating deep connections in ways even neurologists don’t fully comprehend today¹.

The fact is attraction is attraction; as much as we try to fully understand how it plays out between two people,asking how do I attract a man, becomes an increasingly nebulous and confounding thing to do. At the end of the day, it really is just a notion of chemistry when you meet a certain guy.

There are some helpful tips out there to create a positive initial impression and ensure you’re taken notice of. So here are our top 10 tips to attract men and build a growing connection.

Building self-confidence

The Society for Personality and Social Psychology recently found confidence to be a strong predictor of overall romantic attractiveness. This shows that this trait has more universal appeal than being physically attractive.

So, learn how to attract men by letting the real you out, real and unabashed. This can often feel easier said than done, but try these basic confidence-building techniques.

• Take control of your inner monologue.
• Establish set routines in your life.
• Learn to give and receive compliments in the spirit they were shared.
• Surround yourself with the right personal community that uplifts you.

Be your authentic self

This is important dating advice for women. While this relates to confidence, it’s certainly a distinct trait in your dating and social journey. One focuses on celebrating the best aspects of yourself and believing in them, whereas authenticity is about being willing to be vulnerable and flawed in front of others, while knowing it doesn’t change who you are fundamentally as a person. It’s to value yourself, warts and all, and to expect a return in that respect and honesty in your partners.

Don’t shy away from your physical appeal

We often think of our physical appearance as fixed, but research has shown that aspects like your personal fashion style and grooming can have a profound effect on how men sexually perceive women. This study showed that it was even a more profound determinant than common beauty aesthetics.²  

What we often overlook in how to attract men is that it’s inherently about a connection between two very specific people, which is often a far more powerful and attractive kind of chemistry than this very fixed notion of generic attractiveness often portrayed in popular media. 

Work on your emotional intelligence

People underestimate how crucial and central a role emotional intelligence will play in your relationship. However, a study found that emotional intelligence accounted for an over 40% increase in marital satisfaction³

That’s an intense benefit unmatched by many other relationship factors. This is often referred to as emotional attraction, which is the true intimacy that exists behind our common model of sexual attraction. These notions are often what bind and keep couples going strong, even after some physical attraction wanes. 

Maintain a strong sense of identity, even in a relationship

It’s often easy to lose ourselves in a new relationship. As often culturally commented on, couples can often become this amorphous blob of codependency if people in the relationship don’t hold on to their sense of individuality and keep pursuing their own interests and goals.

The law of attraction in love is based on the precept that this person fell in love with you. They complete you. So, continue your journey of independence as it will only strengthen your relationship. A strong pillar in love is mutual respect for your own individuality.

How to attract men by initiating communication

Gender roles often tell us that men are the ones to initiate the conversation, be it in texts after exchanging numbers, or in the online dating sphere. But 2024 is a time to deconstruct dating norms and take greater control of your dating journey, rather than wait around for guys to message you.

You’re worth more than that and one of the easiest things to do when thinking about how to be attractive to men is to diverge from the norm. Take control of the situation. You have the agency, so start projecting that power to men in your romantic life. 

Make your online presence a representation of the real you

We all fall into the temptation of inflating ourselves a bit in our online profiles. It’s not a minor occurrence. Statistics have found that 80% of online daters do it.⁴ It’s often small white lies, like our age, some picture editing, our height, and some of the hobbies we ruggedly enjoy but have only really done twice.

But if you want to learn how to make men interested in the real you, be sincere and authentic in your online presence. It’s not a numbers game. It’s about finding people that truly fit you, and wasting less time on the wrong people in the dating scene.

Make good use of your body language

Body language and signs of attraction in dating can be a very accurate indicator of the chemistry you two really share. Most of our interpersonal communication is done non-verbally, so it’s where a lot of intimacy and chemistry is first established.⁵

A lot of it is unconscious and not under our control but some conscious gestures you could try are opening your body language to your date, and being positive and attentive when they talk to you. Another very potent tool in your romantic arsenal is how strongly eye contact and attraction are linked, particularly early on in the dating process.

Be present in the moment

This is a fairly new concept in modern dating, but presence can have a huge effect on how people build bonds and the level of trust they can create between them.⁶ This involves concepts such as active listening, where you don’t just try to hear the other person, but attempt to critically interact with the subtext of what they are saying.

In terms of how to attract men, it can often be as simple as just really trying to hear them, even if they’re just sharing some minor inconvenience. Hearing people out and giving them feedback is how we show that their experiences and feelings truly resonate with us.

Be honest with him

Lastly, we wanted to point out the importance of being honest with a guy you like. Yes, be authentic and your true self, but also be honest about how you feel about the relationship – including the ways they can sometimes disappoint you, and even just the silly doubts that can erupt as we date people. If you’re wondering how to attract a guy, being genuine and open about your emotions is one of the most impactful ways to do so.

Tell him what’s on your mind, even if it hurts or feels confronting. It’s important for you to be on the same page, even when it does sometimes involve conflict, to forge a stronger bond as your relationship matures.

Learn how to attract a guy and pursue them on your terms

So, if we were to make a summary of how to attract men, it’d be to never undervalue what you bring to the table. Keep working on improving if you want, but always remember you’re doing it to improve your life, not be better through being in a relationship.

You aren’t simply seeking love, you’re also offering it, which is a truly wonderful gift, regardless of how we each manage to find it, in our own way.  So, keep up that confidence and never give up your true self in dating. The path to a fulfilling relationship is self-worth. It’s about you. Never compromise that.